DNC and RNC Convention Schedules

I recently received in my email the agendas and schedules for both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions this summer.  It’s amazing what they will show about the nature of America and our two leading parties.

Boston, MA

6:00pm – Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:30pm – Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm – Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm – Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:20pm – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25pm – Tribute theme to Spain.
7:30pm – Donna Shalala & Janet Reno-Mudwrestling seminar.
7:40pm – Jamie Gorelick-How to build a partisan commission.
7:45pm – Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
7:50pm – Ralph Nader Proposal to Ban All Automobiles.
7:55pm – Charles Rangel Calls for Reinstatement of the Draft.
8:00pm – John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm – Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm – Gay marriage ceremony.

9:30pm – Intermission

10:00pm – Flag burning ceremony no. 2.
10:15pm – Re-enactment of Kerry’s fake medal toss.
10:30pm – Cameo by Dean ‘Yeeearrrrrrrg!’
10:40pm – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm – Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm – Double gay marriage ceremony.
11:15pm – Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:20pm – John Kerry presents the other side of the issues
11:30pm – ‘Free Saddam’ pep rally.
11:59pm – Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00am – Nomination of Democrat candidate.

New York, NY

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Iraq Strategies-Voodoo/DooDoo WMD
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury-It’s what’s for dinner!

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your Children!!
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man”
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstrations of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: A Drain on our Nation’s Economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12: 00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

If anyone claims copyright on these and wants me to remove them, I will.  Just let me know.


About Lance Finney

Father of two boys, Java developer, Ethical Humanist, and world traveler (when I can sneak it in). Contributor to Grounded Parents.
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